REVIEW OF REASONS TO STAY ALIVE (2015) BY MATT HAIG
I'll start by saying I've read this book four times. As someone who has both clinical depression and anxiety I've never found a book that better explains the way I feel. It spoke for me when I could not. This is a little book, it's over 200 pages but it's small. It's the perfect size for me to stick it in a purse and carry it around when things get bad.
The book details Matt Haig's breakdown at 24, when he begins to suffer from a serious bout of both depression and anxiety. While working in Ibiza with his then girlfriend/now wife Andrea he's struck with a depressive episode. He nearly commits suicide by jumping off a roof, before backing down and going home to the UK. Haig then details his deep depression and anxiety (accompanied by separation anxiety and agoraphobia), but also his rise out of it.
Reasons to Stay Alive is broken up into vignettes. Haig includes his own story but also useful writings such as: a list of celebrities who also have depression, all the things that made him feel better, all the things that made him feel worse, statistics about depression, and other ruminations. This use of vignettes and unconventional structure make this book feel more personal.
One of my favorite sections is what Haig describes as the "Bank of Bad Days." The bank of bad days is a bank of all your, well, bad days. When you're having a hard time Haig asks you to remember the bank of bad days and remember that this day is at least better than those. If you have the worst day Haig says to count that as a deposit. His writing is humorous and sweet. I think of the bank of bad days often. Some of my other favorite parts are when Haig will describe the feelings of alienation that depression causes, such as with this quote below.
"To other people, it sometimes seems like nothing at all. You are walking around with your head on fire and no one can see the flames."
"To other people, it sometimes seems like nothing at all. You are walking around with your head on fire and no one can see the flames."
I've never had my feelings so succinctly written up, much less by a man fifteen years older than me and living half a world away. It's important for people with depression to see that someone else gets it because otherwise their advice won't mean as much. It doesn't to me anyways. But it's that understanding that makes passages like this one much more meaningful for me.
“You will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears at the Beach Boys, you will stare down at a baby’s face as she lies asleep in your lap, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious foods you haven’t tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven’t read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it.”
“You will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears at the Beach Boys, you will stare down at a baby’s face as she lies asleep in your lap, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious foods you haven’t tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven’t read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it.”
Haig's book is not a self-help book, but it is filled with easy quotes and advice and wry humor. I bought it for my mom and have lent it to almost all of my friends, not just so they can understand how I feel, but so they can find some solace in it as well.
RATING: 💛💛💛💛💔
LINKS:
Matt Haig's Blog: http://www.matthaig.com/reasons-to-stay-alive/
The Guardian (Dec. 2018): https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/dec/14/matt-haig-interview-dark-place-find-optimism
The List (Mar. 2015): https://www.list.co.uk/article/68965-interview-matt-haig/
Millenial Grind List of Quotes: https://millennial-grind.com/50-heartfelt-quotes-from-reasons-to-stay-alive-by-matt-haig/
Other Depression Resources:
National Hope Hotline: 1-800-442-HOPE(4673) (Trained counselors to provide support and prevent suicide)
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